1 Doritos 1998
The best reception of Super Bowt XXXII was made by former Miss USA and Stuff cover star Ali Landry, when she turned a laundromat into an Olympic floor, putting two leering geeks into a spin cycle. Awed by the dexterity of the domestic goddess, they try to score style points by flipping chips into their gaping gobs. But they get crunched when Ali's Mary Lou Retton-meets-The Matrix act finales with a holy-shit, two-and-a-half-gainer into a physics-defying split. (Note to Keanu: This was not computer generated.) The tasty dessert? She catches the final flying chip in her lips like an all-world tongue-hockey goalie.
CAN WE EXPECT ANOTHER LOAD? The desperately anticipated sequel is already riling up red-blooded, salsa-dripping-off-the-chin English dudes across the pond, but it has been deemed too hot for American airwaves. In it, a leering Limey strips to his skivvies when Ali asks if he fancies a "dip." Says Ali: "They made him get naked. They started out with a sock, but, really, what's the use? You could see everything. The British have no shame!" The real shame: They got the wrong actor to strip.
2 Candie's Fragrance 1999
A totally unworthy dude in boxers rifles through a condom-crammed medicine chest while Alyssa Milano waits impatiently in bed—in nothing but a black bra, panties and a precoital pout. The screensaver queen perfects her sexy poses and starts her own engines as she waits for the fumbling fella. She's panting. She's in her lingerie. We're in therapy.
HOW'D IT PLAY IN PEORIA? NBC and ABC banned the spot. Seventeen and Teen People yanked the print versions. But the oddest ax came from Alyssa's own Charmed network—the WB—which also pulled the spots. "It's probably the least racy ad Candie's has ever done," protests Alyssa. "I think condom use is a good thing."
3 Revlon Intimate Perfume 1987
In her first Revlon ad (now seared into our cerebellums), 21-year-old Cindy Crawford is sprawled on a recliner in a silky negligee while some lucky bastard massages her face, lips and neck with a soon-to-be-liquid ice cube. Inexpticably, he stops at the top of her teddy—but Cindy puts his hand back to her chest and writhes in ecstasy. Pause here for personal comfort. NBC banned the original (where the cube gets lost in Cindy's cleavage). Maybe the iceman did comet.
DID SHE LIKE THE ICE? Creative director Michael Mark: "This is a woman who wanted to get aroused. She did some wild things to keep herself, um, involved." Mark refused to elaborate, but said the vault holds some tasty outttakes.
4 Levi's Frayed Shorts 2000
Daniela Pestova, in painted-on denim, strolls along the railroad tracks in a steaming desert. Finding it too hot for jeans, she strips to her essentials, laying her Levi's on the rails as a train symbolically steams toward her. While the drama of a metroliner turning her jeans into a pair of Daisy Dukes is inspired, it's Pestova's passionate panty dance that makes this a nonstop express to Erotic junction.
THE SHORTS STORY: Backlash followed...but the hoo-ha wasn't over Pestova's panties. A safety organization claimed that the ad sent the message that it's "OK to play around train tracks." Levi's had to edit, but the final cut kept enough steam to keep America's engines humming.
5 Noxzema Shaving Cream 1973
Bring together the two sexual superstars of the '70s into one shaving spot and the foam flows. Joe Namath was still basking in his Super Bowl win and Farrah Fawcett was building up her poster potential when they met in the bathroom. Farrah offered to "cream" the author of I Can't Wait Till Tomorrow...'Cause I Get Better Lookin' Every Day and lathered him up. All Joe could do was articulate the nation's thoughts, "Whooo!"
BROADWAY JOE REVIVAL: Farrah drafted Namath for another ad in 1981, in which the pair took their teamwork a step further. This time they went straight to the showers, where Farrah lathered up the hair on Joe's head with Faberge shampoo. The retired QB was still connecting on all his passes.
6 Victoria's Secret Angels 1997
This was high-concept marketing: Put the hottest chicks in the universe in see-through underwear and get the hell out of the way. "Angels" Tyra Banks, Stephanie Seymour, Daniela Pestova, Helena Christensen and Karen Mulder lounge on clouds, catfighting over the relative merits of being God's chosen people—in panties. The girls then prance about, pouting on their cell phones and lip-locking cigars. Watching it was like hiding in the closet of the word's naughtiest pajamas jammie-jam. Any questions?
THE SECRET? Beautiful women in lingerie move product fast (actually, we knew this). This campaign was responsible for $80 million in underwear sales.
7 Levi's Jeans 1999
A pair of men's jeans (complete with shirt and shoes, but sans hairy-assed occupant) are watching TV, when a pair of ladies' jeans (a more pleasingly plump pair altogether, matched to a curvaceous sweater) rings the doorbell. The invisible duo then ride each other like rodeo clowns, shedding their denim to the strains of Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On."
HOW'D THE PANTS COME OFF? In this Invisible Debbie Does Denim production, actual models were used against green-screen backgrounds to achieve the desired invisible orgasmic effect for TV's first televised lap dance.
8 Calvin Klein Jeans 1978
Consider the fear of prosecution that rises as you ogle Britney Spears. Now imagine how America struggled when Brooke Shields—all of 13—posed the enduring interrogative, "You know what comes between me and my Calvin's?"—then gives the knockout punch line "Nothing," while appropriately clad in nothing but a barely buttoned slit shirt, painted-on jeans and one raised eyebrow.
THIRTEEN? Yep. The ad was banned by ABC and CBS, and Calvin got his ass kicked by superfeminist Gloria Steinem, who called the ad pornographic."
9 Clairol Herbal Essences Shampoo 1999
Blond bombshell Patti O'Connell pulls into a backwater gas station to get her ride fixed and her locks lathered in TV's first shampoo-gasm. After she dumps her rod with a grease monkey, she hits the head to soap up. Once behind the green door, Patti screeches "Yes! Yes! Yes!" as the mechanic seizes up.
WE'LL HAVE WHATEVER SHE'S HAVING: Craig Kilborn was so inspired by the spot, he devoted an entire show to trying to get into Patti's pants. "The inspiration was like When Harry Met Sally on steroids," she says. "My friends asked me to do my orgasm in a restaurant to bust my husband's chops. So I did, and he was ready to bust their heads. He doesn't like the ads."
10 Miller Lite 2000
Three bored pinhead, perched at a bar during a rainstorm, rub their weary eyes and wonder why life is passing them by. Things pick up when they notice that the rubbing makes "cool lights" appear in their heads. While they groove on the glow, soaking-wet supermodels Stephanie Seymour and Helena Christensen come in to create their own wet dream by shaking out their hair and leaving before the three stooges open their eyes.
THE FILMING MUST HAVE BEEN REALLY TOUGH: Ogilvy & Mather art director Chris Curry, who conceived the campaign, claims that the shoot was difficult: "You could see straight through the models' clothing. It was like, 'OK, we need to get some Band-Aids and some different clothing in here.'" Or not. Heh-heh.