From the September Stuff:

The ascent
"If you want to get to know me," says Brooke Langton, her hazel eyes lit with mischief, "you have to see me with my dogs." Which is how I found myself schlepping up a massive incline in the wilderness over the Pacific Coast Highway, tracking two huge hairballs named Riley and Blue. Barely winded, in loose-fitting sweats and muddy sneaks, Brooke bounds up the craggy trail, chatting enthusiasticalty about her dam-about-to-burst stardom. Having survived the cheese on Melrose Place and the spy-jinks as the small-screen Sandra Bullock on USA's The Net, Brooke is now huddling up with Keanu Reeves in the fall football comedy The Replacements—a Slapshot meets Any Given Sunday with more hit potential than Mike Tyson. Leaping from rock to rock, defying gravity, Brooke clearly has the drive to make it to the top. I, on the other hand, am trailing woefully behind, resolved to my middling existence and to giving up cigarettes. Then I gather enough oxygen to recall that I don't smoke.

[Breathless] Replacements...football...are you...a fan?
Oh, yeah. I'm superathletic. I love football. In the movie, Keanu is a replacement quarterback, and I'm his All-American girlfriend, a cheerleader. I actually did some cheerleading in junior high school. For the shoot, we put on a halftime show during a Baltimore Ravens game, and I totally felt the turn-on that football players and cheerleaders must feel when they're in a stadium full of 60,000 people staring directly at them. The energy that mass of people is hurling at them—it's awesome.

Good...break for you...this film?
Want...to...get out...of TV?

I hope so. My mom used to take me to four or five movies a day on the weekends, so I was always much more into films than TV. Still, I had a great time doing series work, especially on Melrose. But films are where my heart is—so why not follow my heart?

What's...with you...and these dogs?
They are just so open with their love. If I leave the room and come back after 10 seconds, Riley jumps all over me and licks me. God, imagine if people did that with other people they love. Imagine if I greeted my boyfriend that way. One time, i had a huge fight with a boyfriend. Riley came over to me, licked the tears off my face and sat on my lap. I thought, God, I really hope I can be with someone who's even a little bit like that.

The Summit
We're in the clouds. The ocean is a thin, blue line hundreds of feet below us. Riley and Blue sniff around, occupying themselves with their dog duties, while Brooke and I sit down to catch my breath in a clearing of grass. We breeze through the vitals—born in Arizona; father a "poetic, foul-mouthed geologist"; parents divorced; followed Mom to Illinois, then Texas, then Los Angeles—and then get to the good parts. For instance, she's a graduate of the school of George Clooney flings. But, despite my devious interview tactics, she'll only say that she and ER-boy are DOA. Still, I have to wonder: Was the hike tougher than she lets on, or is Brooke starting to blush? In either case, it works for me.

Tell us about your very first kiss.
It was in a cornfield in Illinois, and I was in the fifth grade. We did that classic note thing in class: "Do you like me? Circle yes/no/maybe." So, we met after school in the field behind his house, and I knew something really great was going to happen. We were standing there for maybe 10 minutes, smiling, laughing, turning away, then there was this sudden, simultaneous smack of the lips. That was it. But it was something that I remember as very beautiful. Kissing someone can really tell you a lot about him. It's a way of expressing yourself, without getting graphic.

We're not shy. Be as graphic as you like.
The burn I get from great sex is like what I get from acting in a scene when it's really, really good. You can also get it from a great conversation: a perfect synchronicity, a synergy. And when I feel that, I like to really devour it, go into it all the way.

Are we still talking about sex?
OK, listen. I was in Australia, scuba diving 150 feet down. There's a peacefulness down there—the sound of your breathing through the oxygen tank, a fish swimming by your mask. It's the thrill of being in the midst of perfection. Like riding a horse, full-speed, no bridle, bareback. That perfect fluid motion. You're at a concert, and all these people just get it at the same time. You're talking to someone, and there's that balanced give and take. That energy: That's orgasmic. Making love, being completely at one with someone, experiencing that closeness is what's really beautiful. It's not about sex as much as it's about connection. That's the mystery and the romance of it.

What else makes you feel sexy?
Sometimes I want to put on high heels and a tight dress and give people a taste of my femininity. When I'm not in love, I want to feel really, really sexy. In those times, I want to be more of a woman and feel beautiful. Most of the time, I live my life like a tomboy—snowboarding or waterskiing—but there are times when I want to give that feminine boost to myself—and to other people. It's like a gift: Here I am. I went into this photo session not really wanting to, you know, go too far. Before I knew it, I was in a bathtub, down to a rubber bikini.

What were you thinking?
I thought, Maybe they won't be able to see the apple pie I just ate. I love eating. If we were eating right now, the whole interview would be about me eating. If I didn't walk my dogs every day, I'd be a blimp.

The Descent
A chill kicks up from the ocean below, and the mist begins to consume the mountain. Brooke and I begin our trek down. As we stumble and slide along the tight, rock-strewn path, I casually step between the beguiling, babbling Brooke and a 200-foot drop into the spiky pines below. She looks at me, confused. I explain that men have to do things like that. It's the macho gene. Then I think about changing my shorts.

Does it bother you that I may be the only thing between you and certain death?
No, I love that. It's so sweet. When guys say, "Let me get that for you; let me carry that," or when I know that they have one eye watching over me—that's very sexy. There's a balance between masculine and feminine. It's important that women have women friends and don't demand that their guy be a girlfriend. There's an honorable difference between men and women.

But you said you were a tomboy.
I am. I have that quality of being totally independent and not needing anyone. I still need that masculine energy. I'm glad you see me as feminine, because there is a part of me that can get lost in the masculine.

What do men find most feminine and attractive about you?
Definitely not my bazooka-size boobies. Frankly, I don't know. Some days I'm perfectly happy, and some days I just want to go back to the womb and start over. Maybe you can help me. What do you think? How's my pinky fingernail? How's my bottom lip? Is it good-looking enough?

Well...yeah.
Sometimes I look at magazines and think, Why does every woman have to be naked or next to naked? Then I realize that this is the modern form of an ancient truth: Men are in awe of women. It can be represented by the body, but it's really the whole package of being a woman—the way of thinking and feeling and being—that affects people. And today, with all this non-gender-specific, politically correct thinking around, there's an even greater need for icons of women who look great in a bikini. The question is: Am I one of them?

No question.


If Brooke wants to be with someone who will lick her face and sit on her lap, I volunteer.


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