Those are the words Dr. Andrew Conrad, a 37-year-old genetic scientist, has used to describe his brand-spanking-new marriage to the Melrose Place and Ally McBeal star Courtney Thorne-Smith.

I should probably tell you I fear Andy (who's sorta surfer handsome) was referring to his shoulder-rubbings with stars--like Leonardo DiCaprio, next to whom Conrad was thrilled to sit at a recent event--as much as his affection for his bride, whom he acquired last month.

Far more scandalous is the number of carats in Court's diamond engagement ring, if you ask this avaricious a-hole: three and a half. That's all. Puny!

Look, this doc (who runs a genetics lab) is loaded--trust me. Couldn't he have sprung for something a little more appropriate to that chic private community the newlyweds live in? Big hint: Think Malibu.

By the way, as long as we're on things Courtney, I hear the babe whose blond locks have disappeared faster than Calista Flockhart's weight is contracted to do 10 more episodes of Ally. (Reps for Thorne-Smith and Ally did not comment.)